Signs I’m a Mom

By Sara A.

Obvious signs I'm a mom...

I like inventories.  They are fun to read, fun to write and a great way to concisely organize my thoughts. You can expect them from me often.  To start with, I thought I'd document the many obvious signs that I'm a mom.  The idea came to me this morning as I was drying my hair with a toddler clinging to my leg, while trying to drink my coffee and send a text at the same time.  "Only a mom has to deal with this" I thought.  This sent my mind reeling thinking of all the other obvious signs I am a mom, which have now been documented here for your delight.  Some are silly, some are serious...all, I hope, are relatable.

1. I can multitask like a pro.
2. I know what it means to love unconditionally.
3. I have snacks on my person or in my bag at all times.
4. I've been peed and pooped on more times than I can count....and managed to find it charming.
5. I know exactly where to kiss boo-boo's and owies to make them feel better.
6. I've mastered "the look."
7. I drive a mini-van.  And I love it.
8. I no longer swear out loud.  Just in my head.  And I do so liberally.
9. I'm scarier when I whisper than when I yell.
10. I love my husband more now that I ever believed possible when I married him.  And we were head over heels then.
11. I can function on 3 hours sleep on a consistent basis.
12. I sometimes put the milk in the pantry and my keys in the freezer.
13. I've left a load of laundry in the washing machine over night and forgot to move it to the dryer.....more times that I'd like to admit.
14. I am chronically late.
15. I regularly find spills or stains on my clothes that I KNOW weren't there when I got dressed in the morning.  They usually appear on my legs below my knees or around the neck of my shirts.
16. I know the difference between an Ergo, a Bjorn and a Moby.  And I have strong opinions on each.
17. I've memorized Goodnight Moon, The Sleepy Little Alphabet and Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom and can be relied upon to recite these on the fly in any situation.
18. Mary Poppins is in the CD player in my van.
19. I've been to more Recess Monkey's performances than any other band.
20. There are toys on my bathroom floor at all times.  I regularly step on them but can't be bothered to move them, as they will instantly reappear.
21. The majority of movies and shows recommended to me by Netflix are meant for children.
22. I haven't slept past 8:00 am on a weekend in 4 years.
23. Solitary trips to Target and Costco are considered "me time."
24. There is always sand somewhere.  Always.
25. Anything important or valuable in my home is stored or displayed at a height above 5 feet.
26. Happy Hour is the one hour between the time my kids go to bed and me passing out on the couch.
27. I own 5 car seats, 4 strollers and 3 baby carriers.
28. I feel an overwhelming urge to kiss tiny toes and to rub my face against baby skin.  I get giddy over that "baby smell."
29. I've been known to sway while standing in line to pay for my groceries.
30. Nothing makes me more content than walking in the sun with a sticky hand holding mine.
31. I'm used to repeating myself.
32. I am asked "why" at least 50 times a day.  Often more.  I usually have an answer.
33. I look at Zulily daily.
34. Whenever I see a mom nursing her child I smile and want to give her a high-five.
35. I can't listen to stories about bad things happening to kids.  I refuse watch the news because it's so stressful.  
36. I have an entire drawer in my kitchen devoted to sippy cups.
37. I am never bored.  Seriously, never.
38. I have multiple boards dedicated to various "kid" topics on Pinterest.
39. When I say my family I no longer mean my mom, dad and sister.
40. I have stretch marks.  
41. There are bulk boxes of Annie's mac & cheese in my pantry.
42. Organic fruit/veggie squeeze pouches are considered a treat in my home.
43. I now understand just how much my mom loves me.  I no longer find it weird (or not AS weird) that the first thing she wants to do when she hasn't seen me in a while is smell me.
44. I will punch you if you ring my doorbell during nap time.  Especially if I have managed to get both my children to sleep at the same time.
45. A ridiculous amount of my income goes to paying for childcare.
46. I know that my dog really isn't a surrogate child.  She doesn't even come close.
47. I consider what schools are in a given neighborhood to be a better indicator of it's desirability than what restaurants it has.
48. The faintest of whimpers will wake me from a dead sleep and I am instantly on high alert.
49. My boobs are shrunken and saggy.
50. I know that my life is more complete, more joyous and more meaningful than I ever could have imagined.