Body Image

By Sara A.

I love my body.  But I am still learning to like it.  Still learning to own it.  Over the course of the last 4 years it has been through so much.  It has carried two pregnancies, birthed two healthy beautiful boys and has nourished those boys for at least 13 months each.  In total, my body has been shared with another being for almost 4 years straight.

While I've been amazed and humbled by all that my body has been capable of, this process has left me feeling disconnected and distant from my body.  I look in the mirror and no longer recognize the body that I see reflected back to me.  Nor do I feel as comfortable in my own skin as I did before having kids.  

I think it all comes back to ownership.  I've given my body away.  For better or worse, it belongs to my children now.  It bears the marks that they have left behind.  This is what allows me to love it.  I love that I am so intimately connected to them.  That they have branded me for life.  Their marks are better and more cherished than any tattoo or piercing. They are real.  They are raw.

But loving the process and liking the outcome are very different things.  I'm having a hard time reconciling that the scars that brought me such joy are also responsible for making me feel so self-aware.  I am jealous of the women who flaunt their jiggly, scarred, real post-baby bodies and proudly exclaim that "THIS IS TRUE BEAUTY."   The women who can embrace with such courage these new vessels they've acquired.

I want to be that woman.  In my heart I am that women.   But in my head, I still want to do something about the stretch marks on my stomach and the pouch that seems to be a constant reminder that "you are a mom now."  

In all honesty, I think the truth is that my discomfort with the physical changes is really just a reflection of the profound inner changes I have gone through since having children. Pregnancy and parenting rock your world, physically and emotionally.  My emotional world is a land mine.  When I think of all the ways this world can (and in all likelihood will) hurt my children I am an absolute mess.  It is a feeling of complete and utter vulnerability.  I've never been in charge of the world, but before having children I at least had a sense that I had some control over it.  Since having kids, that veil has been lifted.

So, in the end, I focus on the physical.  I try to grasp at the last bit of control that I have. The only thing I might be able to control.  My body.

The Difference Between Your First and Second Pregnancy

By Cristin

The difference between your first and second pregnancy...

First Pregnancy	Second Pregnancy
You read all the books, know every pregnancy symptom and when to expect it	Constantly sick and tired. You just assume it’s because you’re a mom
Search high and low for the perfect name, create name lists with meanings and pro/cons	Keep meaning to talk to your husband about the name
Know exactly what week, month you are in, right down to what fruit or vegetable the baby is the size of	Have to stop and think every time somebody asks you how far along you are
Take weekly pictures of your bump	Realize you’d better get some pictures in before the baby gets here
Every outfit for the baby’s first year is pretty much purchased, washed and hanging up	You keep meaning to look through your other kid’s clothes to see what will work to take this kid home in
You treat your bump as the fragile thing that is carrying your offspring	You often forget you’re pregnant and bump yourself into things. Worry the kid might come out with an imprint from the car door.
People ask you what you need and you point them to a carefully crafted registry, with thousands of items the “experts” say you can’t live without	People ask you what you need, and you say, “Hmm, maybe a couple of outfits? Otherwise, we’re good.”
You can’t imagine how it will feel to hold your own baby in your arms. You can’t wait. <3	You CAN imagine how it will feel to hold your own baby in your arms. You can’t wait. <3