In Favor of Cry It Out (CIO)

By Sara A.

Listen, I'm no dummy.  I recognize that this topic is controversial and want to make clear that this post is in no way based on research or grounded in science.  This is merely my experience and opinion as I've lived it.  You will not find links to helpful articles in support of CIO, nor will you find legitimate evidence that CIO does not psychologically ruin your child.  In fact, I don't care a lick about any of that.  This post is really about sleep.  And CIO is a method that has helped me and my family (but most importantly ME) get more sleep.

I'm lucky that even prior to utilizing CIO I was blessed with two great sleepers.  In fact, the night we brought Roo, our oldest, home from the hospital he slept for 7 hours straight.  My husband and I were high-fiving ourselves on our good fortune until we took him to the hospital two days later and learned that it is, in fact, a very bad thing for a newborn to sleep that much.  But that is a story for another time.  My only point is that I have kids who were built to sleep and I suspect that might be a decent prerequisite to CIO working.

We used CIO with Roo starting around 8 months and it was successful after only 3 days, with the longest period of crying between putting him in his crib and falling asleep being 20 minutes.  After he was 9 months old I can count on three fingers (see if you can do that math, sleep deprived mama) the number of times he woke up and actually required any attention from my husband or myself.  Pretty simple to see the benefit there, right?  Put the kid to bed at 6:30 pm and you don't hear from him again for 12 hours....sign me up!  

Well since CIO worked so well for Roo we planned to do the same with Sealy when the time came, obviously.  But here is the catch, Sealy was an even better sleeper than Roo as a baby.  We never had any problems teaching him to self-soothe.  Since he was about 3 months old we've been able to put him into his crib drowsy but awake and he'd put his tiny little self to sleep.  No extended rocking, back-rubbing or any of that other nonsense.  In fact, I was sort of sad that he was so independent and wasn't going to need to be taught that it was okay to go to bed without me.  Boo!  

Well, it turns out you get what you ask for, because shortly after he turned one, Sealy really began giving us a run for our money.  He started waking up throughout the night crying and wouldn't calm down until one of us went into his room.  At first it was infrequent and all we had to do was give him back his pacifier and a few cuddles and he'd be off to dreamland.  Because we hadn't had to work at helping him sleep before I didn't really mind this occasional disruption.  But then it became more frequent and he was waking up every night.  And instead of being in and out of his room and back to sleep in a few minutes, it became a several hours long endeavor.  He would throw all 5 of his pacifiers out of his crib and cry until they were returned, only to throw them all out again.  Then he'd demand cuddles and relax and fall asleep in our arms, then wake and scream again once he'd been placed in his crib.  (Now I want you to know I'm using the term "we" quite liberally here because my husband dealt with most of his night waking.  Since I've night weaned I've been kind of stubborn about having to get out of bed in the middle of the night.  But this was all really loud while it was happening so I feel like it was highly inconvenient for me as well!)  

After a few weeks of this behavior my husband and I were exhausted and so was Sealy.  We were all bleary eyed, cranky and generally on edge.  Finally, one weekend my husband and I decided we'd had it.  After Sealy woke up twice in the middle of the night on Friday, ending with my husband sleeping with Sealy on top of him in the guest bed, we were done.  When we put him to bed on Saturday we prayed that he'd stay asleep.  But of course he didn't and around 3:00 am he woke up and cried.  Husband went in, gave him his pacifiers and came back to bed.  When he started crying again about 30 minutes later neither one of us could take it.  We decided this was it.  He was going to have to figure out how to get himself back to sleep.  Going in was becoming a crutch and we were too tired and cranky to worry about the psychological damage our letting him CIO might cause.  

So we let him cry.....and cry....and cry.  In total he cried for an hour, then banged his head on his crib for about 3 minutes and then he went to sleep.  If I'm being honest there was a small part of me that worried that he might have knocked himself out but I could hear him breathing through the monitor so I decided not to worry too much.  And he slept until 7:00 that morning.  The next night, and since then, he has slept through the night without any waking or crying.  And blissfully, so have we.  I've also noticed that he has seemed happier and more content.  Or maybe it's just that I am happier and more content so I can enjoy him more during his normal waking hours.  Either way, CIO was a blessing.  

Now, I know what people say about the stress babies are under during the time that they are crying and expecting you to come get them.  Some would say that I have taught my kids that I am only there for them when it is convenient for me and, in essence, that they can't really trust me.  Some could even provide science to back these claims up.  But I have a different perspective.  I think the stress that lack of sleep caused all of us, especially with Sealy, was damaging to our family.  My husband and I were so exhausted it was incredibly hard for us to be present.  We had shorter fuses and probably snapped more than we'd like.  Poor Sealy was also exhausted and emotional.  He would get upset about little things and we saw less of his eye-twinkling grin.  It actually started to feel quite depressing.  But when we all sleep, we all are happier.  Waking hours are more content and we can enjoy one another.  And when I sleep  I can be there for my boys, both physically and emotionally.  

There is a period of time in parenthood when sleep is elusive and getting any more than 3 hours at a time is considered a blessing.  I understand that phase and am willing to sacrifice during that time.  But I think it's ridiculous to extend that period of sleeplessness beyond what is biologically necessary.  CIO rocks!