A Letter to Stephanie

By Sue

Dear Stephanie,

My first memories of you are standing around a retirement party at work, drinking champagne, and talking about “getting your junk taken care of” (your term for a bikini wax).

Of course that reminds me of the gift card you gave me to get a Brazilian. Moment of truth - I couldn’t do it. I wanted to be brave, but I just chickened out.

Then I remember asking you sing Milkshake in German countless times, and you only indulging me when you had been drinking.

I remember singing to you across Zankel Hall as we danced and smiled and just enjoyed being goofy.

I remember drinks with you as we talked about wedding planning and the countless conversations about your dress(es).

I remember your wedding and how beautiful everything was.

I remember you making the decision to leave New York.

I remember when I heard you were pregnant.

I remember the day Sophia was born, when we talked on the phone and you were waiting for Ozzie to arrive at the hospital.

I remember exactly where I was sitting and what I was doing when I heard the news and the floodgates opened...

Now I think of you every time I see a rainbow.

I think of you more than I say. I don’t tell you or text or email as much as I should or would like to. And I know from your blog why that is upsetting for you.

What I know is this:

• No mother should ever lose a child.
• Every mother should have the chance to take her baby home from the hospital.
• Sophia lives on in the hearts of those who love you and follow your story.
• Sophia was wise beyond her age. She brought so many people together around the world.
• I cry everytime I think of the pain you have been through and continue to face.
• I will try harder to be the friend you need. I have to for both you and Sophia.

I can’t speak for anyone but myself. I don’t always know what to say to you. If I was nearer, I would hold your hand. I would pass you a tissue. I would hug you when you need it. I would bring you a meal of dakos and fresh feta.

But, what to say? I don’t know… I have never faced any situation, any pain, any heartache like you have faced. So I don’t have the words. I don’t have the experience. So I am silent. All I have is the love I feel for you in my heart. The love and light that you deserve and need to help you through this life you are living.

So when you are lonely, remember this:

We both have changed so much since our first interactions in the treehouse office. We have seen beauty and pain. We have planted our feet on the ground and spread our roots wide. We have seen rainbows after the rain.

You are not alone.

Love,

Sue